My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
