A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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