when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
