You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
