great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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