shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
