Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
