yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
