I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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