I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm at about main and main street
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize