My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
