and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
