i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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