I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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