isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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