running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
