her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
