U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
