Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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