so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
