i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
