i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
