I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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