I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
