YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize