now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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