this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
