I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize