Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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