people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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