i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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