omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
