The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
