No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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