I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize