im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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