I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
