Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
