in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
