actually, I'm a sock model
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
