yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
