note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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