Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
