he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she looked like the before picture.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
