I'm really into asian looking animals
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she looked like the before picture.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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