if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
