I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
