I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
