Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
