Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize