I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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