I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
