I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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