Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
