she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize