my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
