just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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