We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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