its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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