Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
