Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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