Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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