I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
