worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
